A few interesting days (Nov 12-15 2009)

Thursday, November 12

I had planned to spend four days in Sydney for two or three You Am I gigs. I ended up going to all four gigs. It just got so boring being in my sisters house in Annandale all day. Sure there was Foxtel but I needed the internet.

On thursday I arrived at my sisters house in the afternoon with all my bags. I got a taxi there because I really hate doing the whole pre-paid bus ticket thing. I dropped off my stuff, had some dinner, got ready and watched some TV before I left for the gig. When I arrived I saw my friends Tania and Erin. I felt good but I didn’t really want to drink because I was running out of money and I wanted to get some good shots of You Am I.

My friend Rivqa was going to get me into the gig for free, but I kind of misunderstood how I was on the guestlist, despite being on the guestlist with my own plus ones many times before. ‘Ugh stupid aspie mistake’ I thought. I did get a bit stressed just sitting on the couch watching all the people coming in. I guess I was way too much in my head that night. I was giving my friends some very vague replies when they talked to me.

When I took photos of You Am I it was all good at first, despite the annoying lights. They did kind of give me a head and stomach ache but I got through it with no dramas.

I wanted to meet You Am I after the gig, but I didn’t get to so I walked back to my sisters in a pissy mood. Although I did find a very friendly cat on my way there. I see cats as my guardian angels; they always show up when I’m feeling down.

Friday, November 13

I woke up early on friday because, well, I was sleeping on a couch with a cat that wanted me to feed it at 6am.

It was kind of a boring day for me. I had lame Foxtel movies to watch and a little pink point and shoot camera which I took photos of myself on (lame-vain-face I know) and chased my sisters two cats around the house with. Then I bought a whole gourmet pizza for $3 and two music magazines, but couldn’t find much in them that interesting. I couldn’t stop laughing at the Wolfmother article about fighting back on haters online (aka. ME).

In the late afternoon I went to my other sisters house in Surry Hills to use her internet. I took a bus from Parramatta Rd to Railway Square, walked a shortcut to Devonshire St and walked the rest of the way to my sisters house. I was so hot and sweaty that I bought a raspberry Calipo from a corner shop near her house.

My sister was out but her friends Kylie and Batey were there so I had a bit of a chat with them. I planned to meet Kylie at a Indie music spot called Purple Sneakers after she got from seeing Welsh band Maximo Park. At least I think they’re Welsh…

I cranked up The Clash on my sisters iTunes, because that’s all I found in her library that I actually liked. I checked my hotmail, Myspace, Facebook….the usual internet stuff. I was meant to buy a ticket to You Am I’s friday show from a guy on their forum, so I checked to see if he was still going to sell it to me. He was so I left him my number and told him what time I’d arrive at the venue. Now I had to get back to Annandale. I had to walk back the way I came and I decided to buy one of those pre-pay bus tickets I hate so much. I bought one for 10 rides and used it twice.

On the bus I took the bus  driver was in one piss mad mood. It was rather hilarious to all of the passengers. From memory this is what he said: “There’s two empty buses behind me but no that’s ok everyone for the full bus….Even number 10 is empty, but no one ran for that one…..People here are just going to Broadway or Parramatta Rd…” and so on and so on. He was like that for 20 minutes. I think I just got off a few stops earlier so I didn’t have to hear his rant.

When I got back to my sister’s house I was sweating and my new You Am I shirt was soaked and smelly. So I had a cold shower and changed. I decided to put a bit of effort in what I’d wear that night.

I walked down to Annandale Hotel to meet with this guy. This time I decided to have a few drinks, to make me more relaxed. I met up with the guy who was quite cute and we got our stamps and had another drink. He was cool and really great to talk to.

Under Lights and The Holy Soul were the support band tonight. I can’t remember what Under Lights sounded like but I enjoyed The Holy Soul. The first time I saw these guys my boyfriend at the time and I were mocking them.

You Am I took to the stage for the second time this week. I didn’t want to go overboard with taking photos because the next night would be a big one. I just had on my lighter 50mm lens because the 24-70mm gets quite heavy. Once again the stage lighting annoyed me, but this time I felt like I was actually going to throw up. This is known as sensory overload. I tried to control myself but it got worse after each song. Before I knew what I was doing I was writing the guitarist Davey Lane a message that basically said these lights were going to give me a seizure. I’ve never had one before but then again I’ve never been this sick under lights before. It took me a lot of courage to give him the note. I had to wait for them to have a break between songs, have some banter or whatever. But after 3 or 4 songs without a break I decided to just show Davey the note. He read it then asked if I was ok, obviously I was not so he said if I wanted to go out back. I agreed and started to make my way through the crowd but Davey helped me onto the stage and I awkwardly walked passed the other band members. As I went through the door Tim Rogers said ‘who was that? Did you just let a member of the public on my stage?’ It put a smile on my face for a few seconds but then I wet through the door, collapsed on the stairs and started to cry. The tour manager found me and tried to calm me down by giving me water and showing me how to do some cognitive behavioural therapy. Everyone that passed us thought I was having a sleep on the stairs. The tour manager gave me a wet towel to cool down and I hugged it like it was a toy teddy bear. Then I was taken upstairs to lie down. I noticed they had Music Max on TV, so I watched it in my half disoriented state. I stayed upstairs for the duration of the set, then the owner called me a taxi. I saw Davey walked upstairs and look into the room I was in but I couldn’t get out any words and he didn’t see me so he went back to his dressing room.

Saturday, November 14

I awoke the next morning in a very low mood. I messaged my friends to tell them what happened last night. Usually after a night like this I would go home and not go out again for a whole week. But this was different. This was The Vines and I had already paid for my ticket.

All day I was in a low mood. I had to muster up a lot of courage to enter the venue again and get a letter I wrote to Craig Nicholls. We both have Asperger’s syndrome and he is my inspiration to get back into gig photography. Earlier this year I blogged about being too anxious to go to gigs, that was until I heard Craig was at the very gig I avoided probably for the same reason The Vines had to cancel their shows.

My thoughts were all over the place that day. I kept wanting to stay home, no go out, not give Craig the letter and just getting it over with. I decided not to go back to Surry Hills to use the internet, because I thought what happened had a lot to do with rushing around town yesterday before the gig.

I went down to meet my friend Tania at Annandale Hotel for a few drinks. The owner was still concerned about me. I said I was ok now and asked him to give Craig my letter.

I ended up getting into the gig for free and I just had to wait for my friend Rob to arrive, who had some difficulty catching a bus to Parramatta Rd.

The opening band was Sky Bombers and I’d seen them before and liked them so I decided to take photos of them. My friend Rob turned up around this time and we had a drink. The second band was The Vines playing under the name ‘The Crimes’. It was a surprise for a lot of people except the You Am I forumers and Vines forumers, which I am both.

After The Vines played Rob and I went to have another drink on the couch. The tour manager didn’t want me down the front for You Am I and I thought I had enough photos so tonight I’d just sit this one out. While sitting and talking to Rob I saw Ryan from The Vines walked past. Then I saw Craig and jumped at my chance to talk to him. I asked him about how he copes with having Asperger’s and being in a band. I also told him what happened to me on friday night. I then showed him the photos I just took of his band and the drummer of The Vines came over so I got some signatures and pictures done. Then they went upstairs so Rob bought me a Jagerbomb to celebrate my accomplishment. We chatted all night so we actually didn’t watch You Am I play at all, just heard them.

Sunday, November 15

Rob spent the night so in the morning we had breakfast at Mc Donald’s, then we watched Music Max trivia and I scrounged up what I could for lunch; beet root/hummus paste, lettuce, cucumber on lavash bread. It was delicious.

I decided to go to the You Am I afternoon show. I was supposed to get home late at night anyway. I met up with my friends Riv and Tania and had some drinks with them.

The Laurels opened the show. They played thursday night but I didn’t recognise them so I asked them who they were.

You Am I were up next and it was the last time I saw them so I took photos. My friends said if I had problems with the strobe lights that they’ll take me away from the stage. The lights were even more intense and used more than before. Kind of odd when a few nights ago someone had to leave because of them. You’d think they’d turn them down a notch. I’d try to ignore the lights by turning away or closing my eyes, but eventually I could take no more. My friends ushered me out through the crowd and I already had tears in my eyes. I sat on the couch and started balling my eyes out, and rested my head on my friend Rivqa’s shoulder. Some guy thought I was drunk and started being a smart arse and in my already emotionally unstable state I yelled “I’m autistic you cunt!” The security at the door got him to shut up and he came back and apologised. I was drinking ice cold water that was making my hand numb. It took me awhile to stop crying and I felt bad for having my friends miss You Am I playing so I decided to go back in, just watch from the back. As I was standing watching them something strange happened: I was a lot slower than usual. I call this my low functioning autistic state (LFA). My friend Tania offered me some nuts and I had such strong taste synesthesia. That can happen under a lot of stress.

We moved closer to the stage to the front, somehow I made it all the way back to the stage. The strobe lights weren’t bothering me as much. When they did I just shook my head or scratched my head with my hand. I was rocking, humming, hand twisting and staring upwards. Never have I done that at a show or really ever. It was impossible to snap out of it. I could barely talk apart from saying ‘my setlist’ to my friend Riv.

By the end of You Am I’s set the drummer Rusty gave me his drumstick. I’m not sure if it had anything to do with my LFA state but I was very grateful.

After the show my friends sat outside and Davey from You Am I joined us. Eventually Tim joined us too. I was still feeling LFA and a little bit anxious to be around the band. Then I put my head on Riv’s shoulder and she put her arm around me. Tim looked really concerned and asked if I was ok. I could barely get my words out but managed to explain what happened friday night and when I said I was autistic there was a big sympathetic ‘aww’ at the table. I thought what my autistic friends would think of these people taking pity on my condition. I didn’t mind because I didn’t feel very proud to be autistic at this moment.

Once again I was showing off my photos to another band. Tim offered to buy me a drink, but I shook my head but he bought me one anyway. I don’t remember a whole lot of what was said this night but what I do remember was soon enough I was drinking and becoming my usual high functioning self again, and then I became my usual drunk, loud and arrogant self again. I didn’t talk a whole lot except with my friend Tania (if sarcastic comments and calling each other emo over and over again is a conversation) and talking to Rusty about putting on an after party in Nowra. You know it’s a good night when you’re talking to a band member about your home town. I also told Davey why Short Stack was the worse band ever and Tania put them under the genre of ‘arsecore’ and ‘douche-rock’. I took a lot of photos so what I don’t remember I have pictures of.

Even though I had the usual stress of going to gigs in Sydney, which was exacerbated by strobe lights, but if that didn’t happen I don’t think I could have given my letter to Craig, meet him and have drinks with Tim, Rusty and Davey from You Am I.

Gigs gigs gigs and more gigs.

I spent two days in Sydney to shoot two gigs. The first one was Magic Dirt. My editor kind of screwed up the guest list so I almost didn’t get in, but the girl on the door just let me in for free anyway. I really enjoyed The Ripping Dylans but the other two bands I just wasn’t into. My magic Dirt shots were decent.
I risked social exhaustion to take photos of Deserters. You know social exhaustion? That’s when I turn into an asshole because I can’t deal with people after a whole day. It was all good despite some stress.
From thursday to sunday I’ll be in Sydney taking photos of You Am I. I’m only confirmed for two shows but my friends’ band are playing on the sunday so I could get in with them if it sells out. I don’t know how stressed out I’ll get. I’m excited to see a secret band, but I can’t talk about that now. And five/six days later I’m back in Sydney to take photos of Gyroscope. I’m going to need a break after this. Well, after my paid gig shoot on the 28th, photographing Jet on the 4th, Tim Rogers on the 12th, The Pictures on the 18th and I think there’s more Tim Rogers/ Bob Evans shows and a great big New Years Eve night at Hot Damn at Spectrum where my friends are going. I believe on Christmas day I may sleep in.
I’ve also got to remember to go to my job network.
In other news I did an IQ test and I think I did pretty well. I’ll probably get another average score. As long as it’s 100 and up I’m happy.
I guess I’m pretty busy this time of year. Next year I can look for a job.
I’m still getting stressed when I go to Sydney. Any slight change makes me anxious but I’m just going to have to keep it under control. My paid gig shoot is in Rozelle which I’ve never been to before. But the band tell me it’s a $13-$15 cab ride, which they’ll also pay for. A band from Kiama have asked me to take promos and I’m just a bit on edge when I have to tell people how to pose, but I do what I do for the money.

Some People Are Just…Assholes

The important thing is to just ignore these people, because if you try to have a mature discussion with them, boy, did you ever waste your time.

So basically I took a little offense that someone would think the world exists of just smart and stupid people. In my years of finding out my autism I’ve come across some really intelligent people that were not neccessarily smart in the classroom, myself included. Normally I would ignore such statement but I was quite intoxicated and thought ‘nah, I’ll show this person.’ Usually any bringing up of the word ‘autism’ results in the person not replying and trying to their best to ignore it as to not offend the little autie. Although this time was not the case. In a way I was glad because people never wanting to talk to you after you bring up this word, which you kind of idenify with makes you feel so very alone. But when an asshole you know is well known for their trolling skills replies you should not to take it seriously. NT’s still don’t know as much about this word as they claim to. They accuse you of looking for people to feel sorry for you. Feel sorry fpr my awesome artistic ability, my incredibly creative mind and too nice to be human attitude? I think not. I just like to bring up autism to get my point across. I even brought up up learning disabilities, which I’m actually not diagnosed with, but it was another way to prove this ’stupid’ theory wrong. I’m also accused of having a grudge against the educational system – way to overact Miss NT asshole! I may have hated my teachers, especially the christian private school I went to, but not the whole school system. I’m really glad that kids with learning disabilities get the help they need in school’s these days.
Another thing I hate about these NT troll assholes is that they bring mockery into the discussion to try and rile you up enough that you abuse them, which results in them laughing at you and their little packrat friends joining in. In fact these whole scene could have taken place on a school playground instead of on a online forum.

The whole experience has taught me who my real friends are. Real friends wouldn’t laugh at you as you were trying to have a mature discussion with another person that until recently you thought was mature as well. I did have people back me which is what I want my real friends to do. Usually I’m a nice person who doesn’t bother arguing with people, but on the internet where arguments involve typing words rather than speaking them is when I like voice my opinion, because of my speech problem.

In conclusion, I’m not wasting my time with assholes, because no matter how hard you try to explain yourself they’ll still not listen because they will always be assholes.

A gig update which turns into a rant about NT’s.

I seem to be doing well with my gig photography. I got to take photos of Poison the Well in Sydney, which was good. A few things happened that day that put me in a constant disoriented state. One thing I’ve been avoiding is buying pre-paid tickets for city buses. It sounds like nothing but for me it meant change and I don’t do well with change, especially when the bus driver is vague as fuck when explaining where to buy said tickets. I wasn’t in a very talkative mood until I saw my friend and fellow photographer Craig at the gig. I really hate going to a gig and not knowing if I could get in to take photos and this night I had no confirmation so I was a bit worried about not getting into the gig. It all worked out though but I just wanted to take the photos and get out. I didn’t even do my social photography thing, and the next day I received the confirmation e-mail that gave me clear instructions of how my gallery should look. I was a bit worried because I only took crowd photos and didn’t go up to people and ask them if they would like me to take their photo, like I usually do. I actually e-mailed my editor and came out with my Asperger’s syndrome. I don’t know if that will do anything, but all these requests for taking social photos for a person that isn’t hard wired to be naturally social, while other photographers just complain that it’s annoying to do (not that they’re petrified of doing it) is actually really quite stressfull.
My editor made me really angry all day because of that little request. I just get so angry for people because it’s so much easier for other people to do what I do. I love taking photos of bands, and the only reason why I take social photos is so I get to take more photos of bands for the site.
I’m still angry today but I think for other reasons. I’m sick again and I’m just over getting sick really. I have an IQ test in two days so in this state I’m not going to get a good score. I really don’t care. I want to be on disability. I’ve had a go at working and it’s stressfull and exhausting. I know I can work but I’ll just be like most people with Asperger’s that work.

If I may randomly rant about neurotypical teenagers for one moment: I boarded a train yesterday and some young guy said hi to me. Oh yeah I said hi back, uninterested because I knew what he’d be like. So I’m listeinging to my ipod and he’s in a very heated arguement with this other guy. It goes on for quite some time then becomes physical. Some girls were laughing then yelling at them to stop. Some boys were recording the fight on their phone. I waited for someone to report it or a guard to come, but no, it would have to be up to me to stop it. So I left the train and contacted the guard.
NT teenagers are stupid. I’m glad that I’ve never been one. When I was their age and I saw a fight I’d be petrified to the spot. Why would I want to be NT if this is how they act when two people are trying to kill eachother? And it was not even a metre away from me. I could have been injured too. If some 14 year old wonders why I just going to ignore them or treat them like shit it’s because of this. I even have less respect for the boy that sells me tickets. He was on the train and could have easily been one of those wankery teenagers encouraging the fight had he arrived earlier.

So as of now I’m sick, I hate every neurotypical person and I’m going to be a recluse for this whole week.

Work Experience Kid

I was a bit nervous about starting work experience, as I am with doing any little change. I thought I was to start in a few weeks but I misinterpreted what my job network provider said (standard procedure really) and so had to start with very little preparation and was late for my first day.

At first I was helping out in the Photo Processing section of K-Mart. It was only helping customers edit their digital photos and package their prints, but then I had to change the paper which got really confusing.

Next day I helped do the returns in Ladies Wear, then I went back to Photo Processing and learnt how to process film. It was all going fine until I managed to screw up when cutting negatives and getting orders wrong. I was happy when I was moved into apparel again. I basically just stayed on the floor cleaning up the Footwear isles and hanging up ladies clothes.

On my last day I was unpacking boxes and removing stuffing, which was exhausting, but the time went by so quickly.

As somebody with a form of autism I have come to realise what my strengths and weaknesses are, especially in the working world. I am a creature of routine, so getting up everyday at 7am and having breaks at the same time was not very difficult. When people would tell me how to do things but then give me so much information it would not all stick in my working memory and I often screwed up what I was supposed to do. Sometimes I just wanted to say ‘You know Essential Personnel is for people with disabilities and not just physical ones – I have autism!’ But I was there temporarily so thought I’d just keep it to myself.

The other workers at K-Mart were all so social and I felt a bit uneasy around them, so I just pretended to be overly focused in what I was doing, which brings me to my next point – obsessively categorising things is a great autistic trait to have when working. This is probably why I didn’t mind working in the stock room for 6 hrs on my last day. I could also put clothes in the right order by number and colour because it just seems to be very calming for someone with autism.  And I really to think I have some form of ADHD because one of the employees said I was speeding through the unpacking of boxes, and yeah I was. People think ADHD is about being hyperactive and it is but that’s not all it is – overlooking things, impatience and not being able to concentrate are some things that have caused problems for me in my life, especially at school. If I was not home schooled I would have an IQ of about 70 instead of 100. I was the worst student ever. Actually I should thank Illawarra TAFE for re-teaching me those things I never understood in school and getting me involved in left wing politics, because that’s the first time when I actually felt smart. I wonder if going this much off topic is also a trait of inattentive ADHD?

“Get on with it.”

I was ok with dealing with the customers. I find making eye contact very uncomfortable. I basically don’t feel anything when I look in someone’s eyes and often forget that it’s courteous to do so, and when people look me in the eye I think they are reading my mind. It’s just one of those things I have to fake. It was school holidays so I quickly got irritated with children running and screaming in the store, and I got quite irritated with people dumping clothes on the ground instead of putting them back on the hangers.

I’m not sure if I had any sensory issues, but one day I get getting hot and dizzy. It may have been a migraine or a lack of sugar or iron.

Anyway, I survived. I didn’t get too exhausted but I don’t know if I could work longer than 6 hours. I am getting more paid gig shoots though, so maybe I can start planning my photography business. At least I have worked and haven’t missed out on any gigs. It was very exhausting going to see a band on the weekend and get home in time for another working week, so if I did work full time I would hardly be able to go see bands every weekend.

Stress or pms?

I’m not really sure what’s going on with me. I’ve been more anxious and annoyed than usual. Today I had some vision problems too. Could my hayfever tablets be interfering with my anti-depressants? Or have my anti-depressants stopped working? I’ve only noticed this change a few days ago when I started to take my hayfever tablets.  It could be pms, but this is feeling close to PMDD. I can’t have that back. I would get so depressed and so angry I would say and do some things that I ended up regretting.

I started to become concerned when I started to stress out about missing a train. I tried to talk myself through it but when I missed another train I got more anxious because I was stuck in the rain for an hour and people on the platform were thinking that daylight savings started that day, so I had no idea what time the train would come.

My sister is visiting to and I really don’t like her personality; she’s bossy, always arguing with me and always think she’s right. It’s quite the opposite to me. I try my best to be nice even though I may argue, because let’s face it I’m pretty set in my ways too but I don’t treat the other person like they are stupid. Dinner tonight will be interesting.  I feel ill and confused by my symptoms and really don’t want to go out, but I’m still going alone, let’s say as a test.

I hope I can work out what’s going on with me. I was doing so well.

Be wary of neurotypicals

I do love my friends, but sometimes I think I share a bit too much information with them. I do like to have a good time with people and learn about them, but sometimes you can learn things that make you take a step back from them. My one rule is that I don’t tolerate racism. Racist jokes  I can just ignore but people that are actually racist I want nothing to do with. So I’m in a bit of a tough situation here. I love my friends but I can’t tolerate this type of behavior, even though there are some members of my family that do talk the same way.

Something else that I hate about neurotypicals is the derogatory use of the words retard, spaz/spastic, and skitz. I’m a very literal person so when someone calls someone a ’spaz’ I instantly think of someone with cerebral palsy. So hanging around with people aged 17-25 is not very easy, because they constantly use these words in derogatory ways.

I don’t want to turn into them. I don’t want to call people retards that aren’t and say racist things. It’s very hard to find an NT that just isn’t like that. Look at me I haven’t used the word NT for ages, but I feel I have to to separate myself from them.

NT’s also find people that don’t make eye contact or do small talk as untrustworthy. Great, two main traits of Asperger’s syndrome right there. Now I understand why many of my autistic friends rather stay at home than put themselves through all that stress of socialising.

I don’t know where I stand. I’m far too nice and trusting. I can also mimic those that I’m around, which is kind of scary if they are like the people I described above.

I don’t want to change. I like who I am. If that means an honest person with cognitive differences that make me seem disabled then so be it. If that means I lose friends….well then ok. I seriously think I am too nice to live in this world. And no that’s not a suicidal thought, that’s just me pitying the world.

Still crazy

Haha, kidding. I’m actually doing really well. I still slip up from time to time, like I’ll say the wrong thing or get freaked out out getting lost or get easily offended or find crowds scary. Besides that, my social skills are getting so much better. At the last gig I was at I talked to the guitarist of Angela’s Dish for a good half hour, and if you know someone with Asperger’s you know that small talk is almost impossible to do without boring the person about their special interest. 

I’m back into photography. It’s still stressful getting into gigs. I have to move mountains to get entry into Grinspoon at The Factory, despite knowing the manager of the venue, having the singer on my Twitter and contacting two music websites…AAAAAAGHHH!!! 

Another thing is my spelling is still awful. THREE CHEERS FOR DYSLEXIA! Haha, I used to get so irritated with it but there’s just some things you need to just put up with. When people were making fun of Steve Fielding’s learning disability I got on the defensive, because I went through a lot trying to work out why I couldn’t pronounce words properly. 

I still don’t have a job but I think the next interview I have I’ll do better. I’ve unlocked the NT social code. I feel good. A bit too good…

I’m doing better with the opposite sex, but I’m never doing a long distance relationship again. Can the boys in my town please be more good looking? Oh Shanti, it’s not all about good looks. No, but it helps.

The sounds at gigs can still get to me. I’ve got to be able to leave when it gets too much, but of course I never do.

I met my heroes – Tim Rogers and Stephen Christian and I got to hang out with a band that I really like, and they know about my photography. 

I’ve got good friends, a plan for my future, and I’m just enjoying my life. Enjoying my days of not working at least.

Social Exhaustion

Before my trip to Sydney I felt like writing about this and it worked out because I did go through this while I was there.

On friday afternoon I arrived in Sydney. I had forgotten a camera card which I was very irritated at myself for. And I didn’t even end up buying another one.

I had some time to kill so I had pre-show drinks with my sister at her house (The Magic House). Then I headed to the venue. There was a few of us on the bus who had no clue what stop to get off, but one uni student pointed it out for us. I was glad that I arrived after doors, which meant no waiting in line. I finally bought an Anberlin shirt, because I finally liked the design. 

I watched the first band Wherewolves while I tried to find my friends. I did manage to meet a couple that night. Then I had a few more drinks, then waited for The Academy is to finish their set. If I bought a few of their cd’s I’m sure I’d be a fan, but I’m into too many bands these days.

I always have fun when I see Anberlin. They didn’t play The Haunting for me that I asked for, but the set list was so identical to my set list on Pick R Set (basically you choose what the band plays) that I felt it was better than just having one song played for me.

At the end of the show I waited in the cold for Stephen Christian and finally did meet him. It was a little disappointing though. There were like 50 kids that wanted things signed and asking for photos that there was no time to have a little chat with him, and I did have something to say. I prefer meeting the local bands and having a beer with them. I’m actually not that fussed about meeting international bands now. Well, maybe Matthew Davies, who I’m actually quite close to. Getting things signed and having your photo taken with your favourite band is cool but that’s nothing comparing to a memory of having a short chat with them. I had a short chat with Dennis Lyxzen from The (International) Noise Conspiracy, which was pretty sweet. I’m only focused on meeting Australian bands now like After the Fall or You Am I.

After Anberlin I went to Purple Sneakers and once again got in for free. My friend David was there as well. I met his friends and hung out with them all night. I once again got very very drunk and woke up in a location that was not my sisters house. 

The next day I went back to bed at 10am and later on had lunch with my sisters friends and checked out a record store that had rare cds and vinyl. I bought a Rolling Stones cd and a best of The Pixies. Then I just chilled out on the couch while listening to The Rolling Stones. There’s a reason why they call it The Magic House.

I was supposed to go to Spectrum that night to see my friend Andrew but this is when the social exhaustion kicked in. What happens is I become lethargic and find being in the presence of people agonising. I almost went off at two girls in the street who I thought were being racist. I would have had a meltdown if I stayed in town for any longer. Instead I just had beers at The Magic House and eventually I was talking again, while listening to music, dancing, laughing etc. It was a great night. 

I was supposed to go out the next night but I had an appointment with my job network the next day. There was no way I could make it.

So, that was my latest trip to Sydney. I’m doing a whole lot better at socialising. I was even talking to my social worker more and I’m actually excited about getting a job.

NT For a Night

*NT: Nuetrotypical; the average brain or as NT’s like to refer to themselves: normal.

My last visit to Sydney was ok. There were a few moments when I got the usual anxious tension, but I managed to get through it.

My friend got me a ticket to The White Album Concert and it was the final show so I was looking forward to going. The train was a bit late getting in so I didn’t go to Newtown like I had planned to. My time management anxiety was kicking in, so I thought I’d just meet up with my friends. I’m a lot better when I’m around other people. I was meant to have a large dinner, instead I had a Hungry Jacks burger, though the Bacon & Cheese with tender chicken was the best burger I ever had. 

Before the show we were walking around and looking for a pub with cheap drinks. I was a little concerned about not getting to the show on time, but we got in fine. My seats were so very close to the front that I took out my mum’s point and shoot camera and tried to take photos. I did pretty well. I’m a photographer that knows every technical feature of a digital camera, and what settings to use for what lighting. The lighting was pretty good too. 

After the show we got a few drinks before my friends had to go home. I just wanted to sleep but my sister said I was on the door at Purple Sneakers. Reluctantly I went along. I was so under dressed; a checkered jacket, yellow Gyroscope shirt, tight grey jeans and old Macbeth shoes. I got in the members only area though because my sister and her friends are like Purple Sneakers Royalty. They got me drinks and it was good fun to see them all again, and meet new people. But I got bored and wanted to see if I could find my friend David. I couldn’t find him but ended up going downstairs and dancing with a few guys. 

I felt really NT that night.

I’ve got to remember though that I’m not NT, but that when I hang around with these people and drink that I can mimic their behavior. I’m still a geeky person that rather talk about what I watched on Discovery Science than whatever NT’s talk about…their friends? Celebrities? I can’t keep up. I still like my alone time to read, write, research and walk the dog. I am kind of glad that I can fake NT for a night. 

Another big event for me is Soundwave Festival next year. I was right The Get Up Kids are playing, so hopefully I can stay in control to enjoy it. My plan is to go there with friends and meet up with other people, so I don’t have another shutdown or worse – a meltdown.